Vibrations

Now that summer has arrived and school is out, our little cul de sac has become overcrowded, cluttered, unquiet. I like minimalism. Something about it appeals to me: the emptiness, the space, the clearness and cleanness.

Why do I feel anxious about almost everything? How to get onto a bus. What expression to wear when I meet a person for the first time. What my husband will think if I tell him I bought a vibrator. It gave me one emotionally unsatisfying orgasm and that was that. Now I want to get rid of it but I can’t just throw it in the bin.

All I really want is connection and mutual pleasure with my husband. What we have is good, sometimes great, but there’s seldom enough of it to satisfy me. Maybe that will change soon. Maybe.