Blood

How are you, Mum?

The doctor’s put me on blood pressure. He says I have hypertension.

Oh, that’s no good. Well, it’s good he’s taking care of you, of course.

Delwyn says Vic’s doctor put him on blood pressure and now he’s impotent.

Oh dear.

He’s as soft as a baby’s backside.

Mum!

Don’t be such a prude. Delwyn would be better off without that drunkard. She was much happier before she married him.

How would you know, Mum? She’d been married for decades before you met them.

Anyway, the doctor says he’ll try me on this one and switch to another if there are side effects. He’s a bit of all right, is Dr Bruce.

Mum, please.

He’s in his 30s. He’s lovely to talk to. We have fun. Last time he gave me a Pap smear, I lost my undies. We couldn’t find them anywhere. Delwyn was in stitches when I told her. She goes to him too, but I think she preferred Dr Wilson.

Why did she change doctors?

He died. Heart attack.

Sad. Ironic.

He was a rude old thing. It’s no loss. I sent him a Christmas card and he never said a word.

I don’t think that makes him worthy of death. He wasn’t very old, was he?

Dr Bruce is lovely. I gave him a photo of me with the dogs.

You gave him a photo? What’s he supposed to do with it? Put it on his desk? Take it home? Mum, really.

I’m taking the dogs out. Go and talk to your father.