I’m in a carwash for the first time in twelve years. I’m trembling slightly, but he doesn’t notice. Suddenly my heart starts pounding, pounding. My brain is hot and squeezing. I can’t look him in the face anymore. My eyes are lowered and darting around the car looking for something that will make me feel better. For a moment they flick to my door handle. Could I quickly open the door, slam it, and run out of the carwash before the brushes return from the back of the car? No, he’d think me a fool. Oh God, they’re on their way. Too late! Oh shit, I don’t think I can take this! Oh shit! Oh shit! Oh my God. Just focus on your breathing. Oh God. They’re moving back behind us again. I can breathe a bit. I gingerly put my hand on the back of his, glancing for just an instant at his face. I think I’m going to be all right. I love him. I’m grateful for his steadiness. Oh shit, it’s time for the rinse. He chose the deluxe wash. I can only hope that there’ll be only one rinse. I’m feeling a lot s...
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